Tired of Losing? 6 Tips For Surviving Dog Show Heartbreak
At a Dog Show, Attitude Is Everything.
My husband: “So, how did Junior do in the ring today?”
Me: “Ok, but he lost… again.”
My 7 year old son in the backseat: “No, Mom, Junior came in second place. You should be happy. That’s really good!”
Me: “Perhaps, sweetie, however Junior came in second place…. out of 2 dogs.”
Some days I think I need to leave it to my second grader to put things in perspective for me.
This past weekend was Junior’s 7th dog show and, as it turned out, my 7th opportunity to reflect on the meaning of the phrase, Attitude is Everything. The following are 6 tips for surviving dog show heartbreak that I have garnered from my experience handling Junior in the ring. My hope is that these will resonate with you and that you will share them with anyone you know who may need a dog show pick-me-up.
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How To Survive Dog Show Heartbreak
1. Try Your Best
At the end of the day, if, and when you lose, you can eliminate a lack of effort as one of the reasons for the loss. For me, that is everything. I never want to look back on my actions and say, “well, if only I had tried harder…”
I look back on every moment I have been in the ring with Junior and I know that for those two minutes in the ring, I did everything I could to show Junior off to the best of my ability. Sure that has included stacking Junior in the splits a time or two, but, hey, I said TRY your BEST, not that I AM the BEST.
While I’ve come up short every time, I know our losses are not due to a lack of effort.
I have tried my best and at the very least I like to think Junior and I have provided desperately needed comic relief at times in an otherwise stuffy, serious sport.
If you want a taste of some of that comic relief, head on over to 5 Reasons Why Dog Handling Is Best Left To The Professionals.
2. Be Friendly With EVERYONE You Meet
There are all kinds of people at dog shows. All kinds. I have often said dog show people are a breed of their own. If you have spent any length of time on the “outside” (of the dog show world), you know exactly what I mean.
At dog shows you will find people who are genuine, people who are passive-aggressive, people who are new to dog shows, and veteran dog show folk who speak in an indecipherable language only spoken on the show grounds and in social media.
I sometimes drop words like hock, stack, and bitch at a dog show just to fit in. Don’t tell my kids.
And lastly, at dog shows you meet lots of people who are friendly but insulting at the same time without even realizing it. “See son (holding Junior’s head up), this dog could very easily be confused with a Bullmastiff because of this square head. It’s just because I know the breed so well, that I know he’s an English Mastiff.”
Here’s my point. Aesop said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
Life is too short to spend it being negative. I like to think a pleasant attitude, kindness, generosity, and encouragement toward others will go a long way. It may not bring me and Junior a win in the ring, but it may just pay off in a few new dog show friends to share some laughs along the way.
I sometimes drop words like hock, stack and bitch at a dog show just to fit in. Don’t tell my kids.
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
3. Have Realistic Expectations
I struggle with this one BIG TIME.
I am very competitive, in a friendly, easy-going way. I believe deep down that if I pay the entry fees to be in the dog show ring, I should have an equal shot at a win. As long as the judge is basing his or her decisions on how closely each dog conforms to the breed standard, that is.
When Junior, my kids and I packed up the Navigator and headed to Idaho in June, I believed Junior had a great chance of winning. Perhaps it is because of my competitiveness and determination that I can be a bit hard-headed.
I spent 6 days listening to judges and others say to me “he’s a nice PUPPY,” “he’s JUST a PUPPY,” “be patient, he’s just a PUPPY,” and “it’s not about winning, it’s about having fun out there…he’s just a PUPPY.” But it wasn’t until the time we were pulling out of the parking lot in Idaho Falls that it dawned on me… Junior never really had a chance of winning.
Having realistic expectations at a dog show allows you to mitigate the sting of a loss and more quickly see the opportunity that exists in spite of it.
[READ: Life Lessons: What I Learned from an iPad, Flip Flops, and Two Big Dogs]Having realistic expectations at a dog show allows you to mitigate the sting of a loss and more quickly see the opportunity that exists in spite of it.
4. Don’t Expect Wins, Be Surprised By Them
I think this is good advice for all of us. There is nothing more annoying and frustrating to see than someone with a sense of entitlement. I DO NOT believe in participation trophies or winning an award without merit.
[READ: Success is Not For You]
We have all seen it – a high-priced handler with a dog owned by deep pockets who may or may not deserve the number of wins they receive, but act as though they do.
I love nice dogs, wish I had deeper pockets, and have nothing against professional dog handlers. It’s the attitude of entitlement that I don’t like.
So, for all of you who will get the pleasure of witnessing my and Junior’s first win, watch out. I will be surprised and oh, so appreciative!
5. Have Faith That Your Day Will Come
This is not Big Dog Mom’s opinion here, it’s math. While you may not win, you are guaranteed a loss if you don’t enter the ring.
Am I saying dog shows are a crapshoot either way? Well, no, not exactly. What I am saying is that the more times you flip the coin, the better your chance of getting “tails.”
6. Consider What You ARE Winning In The Absence of a Blue Ribbon
If it’s not already obvious, I am a glass-half-full kind of person. Because of this, I am able to quickly move past enormous disappointments in my life and find the “bright side,” the “area of opportunity,” and the “bigger picture.”
While this might just be a coping mechanism for perpetually losing, I like to think it’s the right way to view the dog show world.
I believe dog shows are a fantastic medium for training and socialization for dogs of all ages. In fact, there really is no better training ground for future Canine Good Citizens than a dog show.
At dog shows dogs are bombarded with new sights, smells, people and dogs. They practice impulse control on so many levels from calmly maneuvering around the dog show grounds to ring manners, walking past other dogs, and resisting countless other urges they have by virtue of being canines.
On Saturday, Junior and I left the ring after our 7th loss, and the first thing I said to my daughter was “we lost again, but I couldn’t be happier with how good Junior has been all day!”
I have a sweet, enormous puppy who loves to meet new people and other dogs and is eager to learn. He may not be a blue ribbon yet by others’ standards, but he is on his way to being a gold ribbon Canine Good Citizen and a model for the Mastiff breed.
That is the true value of the dog show for me. A win in the ring is a bonus serving only to feed my competitive spirit.
A Dog Show Lesson for All of Us Courtesy of a Second Grader
My son was so proud of my Idaho second place ribbons that he placed one next to his most prized karate and baseball trophies. He told me he wanted that red ribbon to be a constant reminder of how great Junior and I did at the dog show and for me to “keep up the good work.”
With wisdom beyond his years,
Sooooo True. Samuel ‘lost’ on Saturday (or as your son would say; he came in 2nd… out of 2 🙂 ) When people asked me how he did; I was full of praise for the fact that he went into a big sports hall full of dogs, had to walk right to the diagonally furthest corner for our ring, had some GR bouncing in his face, had to thread his way through whippets in and out of cages all over the aisle, braved 2 barking sibes til he got to our ring entrance… and although his ears were down and he was obviously nervous, he walked with me, he didn’t growl, mutter or lunge.
He then stood in the ring (squiggled and wriggled when the judge came to look over him 🙁 ), moved nicely, was polite to the judge when she fussed him at the end, and managed to sit nicely for a few moments while I spoke with some friends.. then repeat the nightmare journey back outside again. Being in a hall and crowded by other dogs is a big deal for Samuel at this time. He usually responds with bluster and noise; growling and sometimes lunging. He held himself together really well and I am very proud (more so than of his blue rosette, but that is a different kind of winning – and I can always console myself that his friend Ava who beat him, went on to take the Working Group 🙂 )
Instead of pushing him for stakes and handling classes we went for a run in the local forest before going home; that was a far better day than it could have been, even if there wasn’t huge success inside the ring. Samuel will never set the show world alight, but if he has nice manners and behaviour, and gets to use showing as an excuse for some good times out with me; we’ll both be happy 🙂
Thank you so much, Laura! I am so proud of Samuel! How great to see him tolerate so much in the show environment without reacting negatively. And kudos to you for recognizing when to call it quits for him at the end of the day.
You have the best attitude about dog shows. I love watching them on TV, but I’ve never been to a show, partly because I’m so intimidated by the thought of being around so many show dog people. I definitely wouldn’t understand the lingo!
Thank you so much, Lori! I have learned the “lingo” is really a second language. I only understand about 50% of what I hear. Haha!
I can imagine that losing can be really disappointing at dog shows, like everything else in life. You make great points in this post. As long as you go in with a good attitude and just have fun with it, it really doesn’t matter if you win. Then if you do, surprise! Even better!
I agree, Debbie, it’s not about the winning necessarily. It’s about the journey to get there that’s important. Thank you!
Karma was NOT a winner lol, but agility was so fun for her it was worth continuing! We just don’t compete anymore, the stress seemed to amp her up lol, which led to some awesome runs, and some crazy ones! She enjoys a private arena she can run in now, and that works for me!
Too funny! Silly, Karma! Both Sulley and Junior would love an agility playground! Best of both worlds for Karma – having fun and no pressure. 🙂
I think we shared the same brain this week. I wrote about exactly this with my 3rd grader at a horse show today. I can completely relate and you give great perspective.
Thank you so much, Heather! I will say I do think it is harder to watch our children go through this. I have to constantly fight the urge to “make things all better” for my children. This is a healthy thing to go through for all of us as it is part of life and part of how we learn and grow as people.
I was there with the cat version! My boy was 8 of 11. But he made 11/12 finals, one at third. I’m happy but the final I missed kills me because one of the other cats tried to bite and Plush is sweet. I think the judge doesn’t like me – she’s never finaled my boy.
Aggression in the ring is very tough for me overlook, whether it’s a cat or a dog. It should not be tolerated and any animal that is aggressive should be excused from the ring in my opinion.
That’s the way to do it! We don’t compete very often but it’s the journey and not the ribbons right?
Absolutely agree! Thank you!
Aww Junior is a handsome chap, when you get that win it will be extra special for you both, in the meantime each show is practice till that big 1st place!
It will be, Michelle! Thank you!
That is certainly my good reason not to bother with competitions. Who needs the stress? We can have plenty of fun without any pressure :p
Well, I can certainly understand that feeling. When our showing ceases to be fun, Junior and I will find something else to do I’m sure. Right now, he loves being out there…even if we don’t win. 🙂
I know it was disappointing for you, but I love your son’s perspective!
Thank you so much! I do too! 🙂
This post is so beneficial. It’s difficult to find relevant information.
Thank you, Jodi!
Your six tips for dog show heartbreak apply to so many situations in life. It sounds like you’re enjoying the journey and adventures in the show ring…and as a “big dog mom.”
I really am, thank you!
You definitely have the right attitude and good tips. If anything at all remember to take this moment in time as bonding with your dog. You are making memories. 🙂
100% agree, Kamira! I believe everything we do is an opportunity for learning, growing and making memories. That’s the best part of life!
These are some great tips. I never showed dogs but I have shown rabbits and it is quiet similar to losing a rabbit show vs. a dog show.
Oh, I would think so. Thank you, Viktoria! I’ve never been to a rabbit show. We will have to find one nearby. My kids would LOVE it!
Hi very good article
Thanks for sharing up the good work
Thank you, Ajinkya!
I am a retired UK Probation Officer and showing my first dog which is an Italian Spinone. I am terrible at handling and get really miserable. I had a big belly laugh when you were told your dog looked better when you didn’t try stacking him. Only a fellow dog handler who is equally struggling could find this funny. Thankyou for sharing your struggles and helping me to laugh at the situation. Sadly we are not big into professional handlers in the UK but I am looking. Good luck with your mastiff. He looks lovely. We both love slobbery dogs.